By CAPTAIN TENACIOUS
I’m addicted to Mugshot Baes, a Twitter account that reposts booking photos of good-looking babes gone bad.
I got hooked after getting tired of seeing all the toothless male crackheads and meth heads featured in Deep South crime weeklies that I used to skim through when getting my nightly supply of convenience store malt liquor.
Mugshot Baes is right in my wheelhouse: Girls all the time and they’re young. The fact I could be their father or grandfather never crosses my perverted 66-year-old bachelor’s mind.
The arrest photos are from law enforcement websites and Mugshot Baes lists above each image the charge or charges but hardly ever reveals the girls’ names.
I’m most interested in the girls charged with DUI, DWI or public intoxication because I love to drink and my wild imagination makes me fantasize about hanging out in a bar downing Jack and Cokes with Mugshot Baes if they’re no longer in trouble.
A Mugshot Bae I could do without is the crying kind. For example:
https://twitter.com/mugshotbaes/status/960709660629176321
https://twitter.com/mugshotbaes/status/962491388360380416
Grow up, ladies! There’s no crying in jail! Because of that, you’re not my type! These are my type!
https://twitter.com/mugshotbaes/status/962853778784473089
https://twitter.com/mugshotbaes/status/962884034228604929
https://twitter.com/mugshotbaes/status/963201116287787009
The one above, I think she is my favorite of all the Mugshot Baes, and as long as she’s not the female Andrew Cunanan, I would want the pleasure of her company.
She can drink and I’ll drink and drive.